in one week

In a very wonderful, very short week. I fell in love with someone new. And then in the blink of an eye, my new love was over.

Nobody probably cares.. but it just felt like the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I deserved a little dash of happy after everything that's happened...

I'm now reconsidering an old love. One that has me thinking a lot about the meaning of time and what it really means in the long run. I am so obsessed with time. I wish I could stop.

Christmas Turn Around

My Christmas:






The day was feeling pretty
empty and void and
lack of emotion
numb, but not comfortably so...


My mind fluttered
Contemplating love
new and old...
wishing my day
was filled
with
different people
and
different times...

Refusing to see the love
right in front of my face

My own love
that I have to give
to those around me

So I found a simple joy
in buying a yoyo and investing in
deep conversation with
old friends.

I took three adorable young boys
out for french fries and onion rings
and
their first 3D movie
and our conversations
were just amazing

and I realized
that love
comes
in so many different forms
it is literally
limitless.

Life has been such a rollercoaster lately. Oy vey. Where to even begin.

Every time I meet someone, they disappoint me. Maybe this is life? Just one huge cycle of disappointment. It feels like every relationship I enter into, I am the one who unfairly gets hurt. Why is that? Am I a magnet for my own pain? How do I attract these scumbags to me?

I must be doing something wrong. I need some inner reflection to figure myself out or something!

I just wish I knew what it is that is so horrible about me that everyone has to f*ck me over. This is not how I imagined my life at 30. How did it get so screwed up?

floppy...

We used to play this game
called
floppy fish

Where we'd be in bed
and
flop like
well,
floppy fish
Thrashing and
flopping
pretending to
splash in water
that wasn't there...

And we would laugh
and
laugh
and
laugh.

Until we fell asleep holding
floppy
hands.

And I thought
I could
play
this
game
forever.

Dating Schmating

Boy number one asks me out to a movie
We get there..
and it's pretty obvious.
I am paying for myself!

How um sweet?

He did buy popcorn and a soda to share.

During the movie
He says
"If you get scared...
you can hold my hand"

5 minutes later
he says
"if you get scared...
you can hold my penis"
Yeah.

I did not get scared. At all.

The movie was good
He was a bore.
I hate people who
talk during movies
unless of course
it is me
and
my best friend.
then
it's okay.


Before our dating
he couldn't stop texting me
telling me
he was excited to
kiss me perhaps

After an awkward walk
to my car
He danced around for
10 minutes
no kiss
just
a
guerrilla war style
hug

and we were off

The movie was so great
and
I looked so pretty
that
I really needed a
good night kiss

So I
called up boy number 2
just to meet me
on a random corner
and
give me a good
kiss.


It was good.
thank you
boy number 2.

Rollercoaster

Everyday is truly a rollercoaster for me.

Literally every other day is just horrid. Then the next day feels pretty great!

But then the next day is horrible again.

Good
Bad
Great
Awful
Nasty
Pleasurable
Happy
Miserable
Lively
Depressing
Jovial
Downer
Blue Skies
Gloomy Skies
Awesome Times
Crying Times


Well, you get the point. My best friend said that I am much better than a month ago. A month ago, I couldn't see any good things at all on the horizon. At least now, I look forward to every other day.

I guess I'm scared of today because yesterday was pretty great. Maybe I should put yesterday by the Beatles on and just dream of those better times.

an interesting date

So it kind of went like this...

from 9:30-10:30pm:






From 10:30 - 10:50 pm.



Not so bad. Not so bad. Can't say I've done that before- considering it hardly ever rains in Nevada. :)

apology schmology

so if someone apologizes to you.. and then they delete his/her apology. Did they mean it to begin with?

Probably not.

thanks.

Cantinas, Cold Drinks and Cool Books Oh My!

Another blind date.

We met at the bookstore- one of my favorite places.
I was so nervous.
My heart pounded behind the bookcases.
I got yelled at
for
taking a picture
of a book called
the ass and the boar.

He showed up
in Wranglers.
We walked around
he bought me tea
I tried his caramel frappe

I couldn't really tell if he liked me or not
we joked about endless books.
I coughed. a lot.

We went to a Cantina for my friend's graduation celebration
It was more fun that I thought it would be
I like the place!
We shared nachos.

We left
drove around
chatted

He bought me a book and
gave me an awkward hug.

Overall, it was okay. :)