I really don't know why I keep a journal on this site. I might delete almost every entry and just start fresh. Now I feel this stigma of only being able to update once a month. It's the evil blogger 1X Mo Syndrome. Oh well. I'll get over it. maybe.
So Today is supposed to be the busiest shopping day of the year now. The Saturday before Christmas has even beaten out The infamous Day after Thanksgiving. Thank goodness I had a temper tantrum last night after losing a web site I had just created on Dreamweaver, and decided to get every bit of shopping done at 2am last night. Even at 2am Walmart was busy. IT was frightening. But alas, I don't have to go out today OR tomorrow. Yay.
Here are some random thoughts I'm jotting down from my head today.
My grandma's birthday was December 21st. It was kind of a hard day to get through for me. *bleh*
I gained 10 lbs. overnight. I'm very depressed and kind of in denial over it. I'm over 200lbs... which is just a nasty point for me to be at right now. Oh well. My 1st goal after I move is finding a gym and focusing on good nutrition.
I am putting in my last day notice at work for January 27th. It will be an odd day.
I passed my big 911 interview. The bad news is... so did 47 other people. I guess there will be a lottery system... and who knows how many people they will accept. *sigh*
I am moving to Portland on Febuary 1st. The note is into my landlord and plans for a new apartment are being made today.
Hopefully I will have my settlement money sometime in January. Hopefully, or there won't be a "portland" move.
that is all. I'm feeling quite depressed lately. It's really not a fun place to be... and I wish I could leave.
good bye for now
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Things I am thankful for...
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Things I am thankful for...
1. My family. My mom is always my savior, every time I need her, she is there for me. She has taken care of my cats, and she hates cats. She has bailed me out of being irresponsible with my bills countless times.. and whenever I need an ear, she tries to listen. My pop is financially as doomed as I am, but he always can make me laugh. I'm grateful for having both of my natural parents raise me... not many people can say that anymore.
2. My friends. Mel is the bestest friend I could ever have asked for... she always has my back no matter what! If I was stuck in the middle of the ocean, she'd highjack a f'in boat for me... or swim out to get me, and she doesn't even know how to swim! Yeah, that's why she's my duderler. Josh is my 2nd best friend probably. Not too often you can date someone for 5 years, and walk away and still be decent much less good friends with someone. He always has my back too, and I will never forget every kind gesture he has made towards me.
3. My Job. I hate my job and I love my job. I have a great deal of freedom with it, and it has really given me a chance to shine and grow up in so many ways. You never grow up until you are 100% responsible for someone's health and safety. I don't make enough money, but at least I'm not stuck in some dreary cubicle forced to wear "business casual attire". *puke* I hate that environment!!!
4. My life. In general, the only thing that ever upsets me is that fact that I know I can do better in some areas... but really I'm doing pretty good. I've been living in my own apartment for over a year and a half. I have a decent running car... a Bachelor's degree... a computer... a laptop... a cell phone... What more do I want for myself? I want to lose 40 lbs, get a better paying job, and get my masters degree someday. Well, if that's all that I'm missing out on in life, then I'm doing pretty great when compared to most people. Mel always helps to to remember how fabulous I am when I start getting down about things.
I hope everyone takes note of how lucky they are today. Last night, I was feeling really bummed about money problems... totally upset and mopey... then I saw I guy with one leg trying to hop up a curb. I thought, *wtheck* I'm upset over money when this dude has no right leg? I need to shut up and stop being a whiny baby. So, I did.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Pensive Pearl
Things I am thankful for...
1. My family. My mom is always my savior, every time I need her, she is there for me. She has taken care of my cats, and she hates cats. She has bailed me out of being irresponsible with my bills countless times.. and whenever I need an ear, she tries to listen. My pop is financially as doomed as I am, but he always can make me laugh. I'm grateful for having both of my natural parents raise me... not many people can say that anymore.
2. My friends. Mel is the bestest friend I could ever have asked for... she always has my back no matter what! If I was stuck in the middle of the ocean, she'd highjack a f'in boat for me... or swim out to get me, and she doesn't even know how to swim! Yeah, that's why she's my duderler. Josh is my 2nd best friend probably. Not too often you can date someone for 5 years, and walk away and still be decent much less good friends with someone. He always has my back too, and I will never forget every kind gesture he has made towards me.
3. My Job. I hate my job and I love my job. I have a great deal of freedom with it, and it has really given me a chance to shine and grow up in so many ways. You never grow up until you are 100% responsible for someone's health and safety. I don't make enough money, but at least I'm not stuck in some dreary cubicle forced to wear "business casual attire". *puke* I hate that environment!!!
4. My life. In general, the only thing that ever upsets me is that fact that I know I can do better in some areas... but really I'm doing pretty good. I've been living in my own apartment for over a year and a half. I have a decent running car... a Bachelor's degree... a computer... a laptop... a cell phone... What more do I want for myself? I want to lose 40 lbs, get a better paying job, and get my masters degree someday. Well, if that's all that I'm missing out on in life, then I'm doing pretty great when compared to most people. Mel always helps to to remember how fabulous I am when I start getting down about things.
I hope everyone takes note of how lucky they are today. Last night, I was feeling really bummed about money problems... totally upset and mopey... then I saw I guy with one leg trying to hop up a curb. I thought, *wtheck* I'm upset over money when this dude has no right leg? I need to shut up and stop being a whiny baby. So, I did.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Pensive Pearl
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Big changes.
Last summer... in 2005, not this past year, I had this strange epiphany *I know I use that word a bit too much*. I woke up out of a dead sleep. It was 3 am, and my heart was racing. I felt like I had a nightmare or something, but the only thing in my head was "October". At the time, I knew it wasn't October of 05... but the next October 2006.
All year, I just kept having this feeling that my life was going to drastically change this month.
I suppose it has changed.
I decided after a nice trip to Portland, that I'm going to move there. Soon. Now, I don't have any money to move, and I don't have a job/home to go to once I get there, but pish posh, who needs money or plans?
I can't describe it, but it feels right.
Since I have this big goal, I'm "making" plans for myself there. Yesterday, I found a potential job. It is extremely hard to get into, but it's something I've always wanted to try out: 911 Dispatcher. The pay is amazing, but it is a 6 month long interview. Next week, I was planning a road trip to Portland, and it just so happens that the day I'm planning on going is the last day to take the "typing exam" for the position. Upon completing the typing exam, there is another exam in 3 weeks, followed by a face to face interview in December. If you pass all 3 exams AND the interview, there is a 3 month 8 step background check. Not only do they check out you, but they check out your FAMILY! CRAZY!!!!!
Finally in February, they put everyone who passed every part of the process into a bucket, and they draw names for the "911 dispatchers academy". The job starts March 1st. Since it's on a lottery system, I could do a lot of hard work for nothing, but they do keep you on a list for anytime they lose a dispatcher. The pay starts at $36k a year, and it goes to 40k after 6 months. Plus there is 4.6 weeks of paid vacation.. and full benefits starting the first month. The job caps out at 67k a year by the end of 5 years.
I think it would be a really exciting field to be in, and since it is a 24hr a day type of job, I could work over nights or swing shift.. or whenever, and still go to school when I feel like it. So yeah, I'm totally going for it. I'm sick of making shitty pay. I'm educated and extemely talented... I deserve a lot more in life than what I've made for myself.
This is just one of my hair brained ideas, that I wanted to share. Somehow, I feel as if my weight gets tied into everything I do. I know if I made a little more money and had an exciting job, that I'd have finances to go to a gym..and actually buy fruit (fruit is expensive, eating healthy is REALLY expensive). I'd be less stressed out too (stress adds to weight gain, especially in the stomach). Maybe everything will fall into place for me. I'll get settlement money from a car accident I was in back last June... I'll try out a new job.... I'll be in a new city. Maybe I can grow up a bit too along the way. I just feel so damned lost sometimes... like I'm just grabbing for anything to make me stable. blah. whatever. Being unstable is fun sometimes. :)
All year, I just kept having this feeling that my life was going to drastically change this month.
I suppose it has changed.
I decided after a nice trip to Portland, that I'm going to move there. Soon. Now, I don't have any money to move, and I don't have a job/home to go to once I get there, but pish posh, who needs money or plans?
I can't describe it, but it feels right.
Since I have this big goal, I'm "making" plans for myself there. Yesterday, I found a potential job. It is extremely hard to get into, but it's something I've always wanted to try out: 911 Dispatcher. The pay is amazing, but it is a 6 month long interview. Next week, I was planning a road trip to Portland, and it just so happens that the day I'm planning on going is the last day to take the "typing exam" for the position. Upon completing the typing exam, there is another exam in 3 weeks, followed by a face to face interview in December. If you pass all 3 exams AND the interview, there is a 3 month 8 step background check. Not only do they check out you, but they check out your FAMILY! CRAZY!!!!!
Finally in February, they put everyone who passed every part of the process into a bucket, and they draw names for the "911 dispatchers academy". The job starts March 1st. Since it's on a lottery system, I could do a lot of hard work for nothing, but they do keep you on a list for anytime they lose a dispatcher. The pay starts at $36k a year, and it goes to 40k after 6 months. Plus there is 4.6 weeks of paid vacation.. and full benefits starting the first month. The job caps out at 67k a year by the end of 5 years.
I think it would be a really exciting field to be in, and since it is a 24hr a day type of job, I could work over nights or swing shift.. or whenever, and still go to school when I feel like it. So yeah, I'm totally going for it. I'm sick of making shitty pay. I'm educated and extemely talented... I deserve a lot more in life than what I've made for myself.
This is just one of my hair brained ideas, that I wanted to share. Somehow, I feel as if my weight gets tied into everything I do. I know if I made a little more money and had an exciting job, that I'd have finances to go to a gym..and actually buy fruit (fruit is expensive, eating healthy is REALLY expensive). I'd be less stressed out too (stress adds to weight gain, especially in the stomach). Maybe everything will fall into place for me. I'll get settlement money from a car accident I was in back last June... I'll try out a new job.... I'll be in a new city. Maybe I can grow up a bit too along the way. I just feel so damned lost sometimes... like I'm just grabbing for anything to make me stable. blah. whatever. Being unstable is fun sometimes. :)
Thursday, July 20, 2006
oh man
I've slept 9 hours since Monday.
I've never been happier.
A million thoughts are running through my mind. For the first time, in a long time, I feel very hopeful about the future. I'm finally thinking. *whoa*, is this it? Is this that something that has been missing? Is this the thing that everyone talks about, but nobody ever finds because it only happens in the movies?
*sigh*
I just don't know... but for the first time in my life everything feels right. I feel completely comfortable. It is a bizarre feeling because I've always felt a sense of awkwardness... in just about every situation. In this situation, no matter what I'm doing, I feel relaxed. It is a very realistic feeling, but since I don't feel real too often, it feels like a dream.
My heart is pounding as we speak. I think I have found what I'm really looking for, and that is exciting and scary all in the same breath.
I will return soon, or maybe not.
I've never been happier.
A million thoughts are running through my mind. For the first time, in a long time, I feel very hopeful about the future. I'm finally thinking. *whoa*, is this it? Is this that something that has been missing? Is this the thing that everyone talks about, but nobody ever finds because it only happens in the movies?
*sigh*
I just don't know... but for the first time in my life everything feels right. I feel completely comfortable. It is a bizarre feeling because I've always felt a sense of awkwardness... in just about every situation. In this situation, no matter what I'm doing, I feel relaxed. It is a very realistic feeling, but since I don't feel real too often, it feels like a dream.
My heart is pounding as we speak. I think I have found what I'm really looking for, and that is exciting and scary all in the same breath.
I will return soon, or maybe not.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
1st blog
First entry in the new blog. It is always fun times, mainly I am creating this to read another buddies entries, so I can comment on her stuff because I'm sick of not being able to comment!!! weeeee
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
