Reinventing the Wheel

I'm always trying to reinvent the wheel with myself: my hopes, my dreams, my offbeat whims and my blogs. Well, I kind of like this one. I like seeing my growth, my let downs and my past wacky thoughts. I don't have any life changing self analyzing anecdotes to place in this neat little box. I am 32 now. Most days I forget my own age. I'm just living life. There are still daily and weekly and monthly and yearly set backs and struggles, but overall, I am on the right track. My life is going smoothly. I am comfortable and I feel like I am "progressing" naturally.

new stuff

I have a new blog now, that I post in just about everyday. It is about a whole new trip that I am on, but I still value this blog. This blog got me through a lot of hard times. When I was hopeless, it gave me faith. When I was lost, it guided me through difficult times.

I am still lost...
I am still hopeless...

but wow life is so exciting right now!! I know it won't always be like this, but this weekend was the best weekend of my life. OF MY LIFE. I have never smiled so much or been so happy. For the first time ever, I felt as if I belonged somewhere.

Life is so bizarre. One tragedy can lead to a million wonderful memories. And just one good memory can change your outlook on life forever.

I'm so thankful to be alive.

Everytime

Every time I see him
my heart twitters with
comfort and joy
as I relish in
his every imperfection

I sit and
gaze
and
analyze
his perfectly imperfect face.

acne scars
wild blonde hairs
in an unkept
brown beard
wrinkles around his
blue eyes
greys scattered
on his temples

and all the while
I think
I love him so very much

these moments are perfect
I say, "you have a little something
right here"
and I motion to wipe it
and he gets it

and we laugh
and laugh
both imagining how
we will say the same thing
in 40 years
to the same
imperfect face
staring back

I love it how

I love it how people put up on dating sites like plenty of fish the exact things they aren't: such as HONEST. or DRAMA FREE! A warning to the ladies if a guy puts up "honest" he's the biggest liar in the world... and yes, that means you!

True Love

This is my declaration of true love.

I believe:

It lasts over time... it never really goes away.
It is full of the truth and forgiveness.
It is not hateful or jealous or immature.
It can get boring sometimes, but it lasts past fads and whims.


It is unique. A person, who really loves you, can love every bit of everything you think is weird about yourself. They know your good side and your bad side, and they still love you, regardless of everything.

True love leaves an imprint on your heart. It is the foundation of friendship and trust. It grows over time: it evolves and changes and gets better and better.


I have found this love with someone, and I'm grateful and slightly scared of it! It is the best feeling I have ever felt. I love you now and forever B. You are my other half. You have shown me something that nobody else is capable of: true love.

in one week

In a very wonderful, very short week. I fell in love with someone new. And then in the blink of an eye, my new love was over.

Nobody probably cares.. but it just felt like the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I deserved a little dash of happy after everything that's happened...

I'm now reconsidering an old love. One that has me thinking a lot about the meaning of time and what it really means in the long run. I am so obsessed with time. I wish I could stop.

Christmas Turn Around

My Christmas:






The day was feeling pretty
empty and void and
lack of emotion
numb, but not comfortably so...


My mind fluttered
Contemplating love
new and old...
wishing my day
was filled
with
different people
and
different times...

Refusing to see the love
right in front of my face

My own love
that I have to give
to those around me

So I found a simple joy
in buying a yoyo and investing in
deep conversation with
old friends.

I took three adorable young boys
out for french fries and onion rings
and
their first 3D movie
and our conversations
were just amazing

and I realized
that love
comes
in so many different forms
it is literally
limitless.